Tuesday, June 1, 2010

Sinai's Chance

All I ever really wanted was enough time on your breast.

Long enough close to your heart to stop.

Stop–everything–long enough to feel safe.

I’ve felt closer but not as safe.

Strange, to feel not-so-close and yet safe. Strange,

for my thoughts, for once, to still my heart, for

them to say “Be still. You are loved. You are safe

here. This will not turn against you. This, you can

trust even though you don’t understand and are not sure.”

And for once, my heart listened.

The safety of your nearness turned my heart to Him.

Turning my heart to Him said “Even the worst brokenness

may be healed, even the greatest loss, the nearness

that rejected and wounded and spat…even that may be

healed. Even here, even here, may be the sunlit path

to dreams so bright they remain hidden.”

A tiny circle of vision. Looking at, seeing only the

place where a heart beats strong enough to be broken

by love, within a circle of arms that touches my

hair and does not push or wish me away.

A stirring. A place in my heart that I tried to

put away, mistrusted to go beyond the walls of my

skin, a place that could be my greatest traitor, sending

me to circle Sinai yet again. Or–chastened, wiser

but wild and terrified but reckless–could be met, for once,

in a tiny circle of blue and tan and safety that opens

into the everything of Him.

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